My Writing.

The Devil’s Angel

A smile upon this face is all you’ll ever see,

A heart of gold, is what it ever seems to be.

But truth lies deep within her thoughts, a corrupted child you see

Psychotic mastermind, a lie, full of vengeance underneath.

Her twisted ways brings her pleasure,

Smiles, joy and laughter from what she does for he.

Such an innocent face filled with guilty, morbid dreams.

Last Chance( by me)

            One so young remembers a life from before. They reminisce about memories made, both good and bad. The people they encountered, those that walked in and walked out. The places they’ve been to. The things they experienced. Their first times.  Everything. This all goes back to my childhood. Stories that have changed me into the person I am today.

            From what I recall, and was told was, me being the happiest little girl, smiling all the time, playful, friendly, and loving. I had a best friend. He would be by my side at all times. I remember when I was around 4 years old, my mother would arrange play dates with him. We’d get along, for the most part. This reminds me of the time he accidentally threw a ball, right at my head. I was crying, and I called him stupid, mean and that we weren’t friends anymore. He soon started crying as well. Our mothers had to settle us down and in an instant we were “friends again”. God, we were such babies. It makes me smile at what  memories I remember.

Soon enough we got older. And we were still close.  We would go chill with each other at the mall, park, etc. He would even hold my bags for me, while I shopped. People would ask us, “Are you guys a couple, ‘cause you two are so cute!” We’d both scream “No! Just friends.” And smile at each other. I would tell him everything, who we liked, how to deal with things, our problems. We reached high school. Still close, always together around each other. It was nice having a guy best friend all these years.

            So now we’ve graduated. I’d see him at the mall or the park sometimes. And we’d chat but we’ve always been so busy. We were off to different universities, and I never really got in touch with him for awhile. I moved away from my hometown, and moved to the city. Bright lights, day and night, honking cars, crowds of people. I just liked it. But something was missing. Ever since I graduated nothing has felt “normal”. I wasn’t myself.

                                                                        ~~~~~

It was evening, the sun was setting, clear skies, and it was so beautiful. I went over to the park, took a sip of my coffee and sat down on the bench. I looked around and saw two children, they were running after each other, just like how he and I used to do as kids. I looked over to my right and saw two friends talking and laughing together. It reminded me of him. Everything reminded me of him. And from then on I knew I was in love. I looked up and for a moment, I thought I saw him. I stood up, squinted my eyes together, and rubbed them, as if it were a dream. Just my luck, I thought. “Tyler!” I yelled, unconcerned about the looks I received from strangers. “Leanne?” He questioned. A smile grew immediately among my face. His half smile gleaming. I basically ran up to him and hugged. “My God, Tyler I haven’t seen you in 3 years! You haven’t changed a bit.” I smiled. “Well you surely have, I can see you got much taller, and prettier since the last time I saw you.” “You were always a kiss-up.” I chuckled. “Care for a walk Ms.Cana?” As he gestured, in a bow. “Why yes, I’d love to.” I smiled.

            We walked and talked for hours. All about what happened in the last 3 years. How he was to become a professional photographer, and how I was to become part of the fashion industry. All of our dreams were coming true. I missed the fun times we had growing up together. He was always my best friend. Soon enough it was 11 o’clock. “Haha, seems like we’ve lost track of time!” he mentioned. “Oh, why yes we have. I better get going back to my place.” I said. “I’ll walk you there, don’t want anything bad to happen to you now.” “Oh please, Tyler, I am 21 years old, I can take care of myself, but sure, walk me home.” Like we used to.

            “Well here’s my condo. It was nice seeing you again Tyler.” I smiled. “You too Leanne.” As he smiled. “Oh swap numbers! I got a new number 2 years ago.” “Alright, here.” “Well I’ll see you around.” “You too.” And he was gone down the hall. My heart had felt enlightened around him, in those few hours. I missed everything. Even the times we’d get into useless fights in grade school. I miss the phone calls at night when I needed his help, the letters, hanging out. Everything about him I missed. He was perfection to me. His face, his deep, alluring, brown eyes, his dark brown hair, his everything. Especially his smile. I absolutely loved every single flaw he had, how he’d make me laugh at 4 in the morning, or cry when he’d be a prick. Throughout all I loved him for him.

            I was with one of my best friends, named Anica. We were out for a coffee, gossiping and talking about life. “So who’s this ‘best friend’ that you haven’t seen in so long?” Anica joked. “Oh just a friend…” I said, trailing off. “LIES! Who’s this knight of shining armour?” “Okay, okay. We practically grew up together, our families are close, so we’d always see each other. There. Happy.” “No way girl. More deets. Give me information about him…what’s he like? How does he dress, trashy or classy? What you like about him, his flaws, perfections, everything! My ass needs to know.” “Shh! Keep your voice down. Okay, he’s perfect. I don’t think I’ve ever fallen in love like this. I started to realize I have feelings for him when I was with him again…His face, body, smile, eyes, hair. Ugh everything! His personality is probably what got me head over heels for him. He dresses actually pretty well. He always did, come to think of it. And he was always the smartass. Correcting my every word. But I loved it. I’m going crazy!” “LOVE STRUCK! Girl why the hell haven’t you told me this before! We’ve been friends for 5 years.” “It was all a secret? Hehe.” “Well then. Uhm. How do you think he feels about you?” “Not sure. Although back in 9th grade there was a rumour that he liked me…How’s that?” “That’s over and done with. You met him again, so when you looked into his eyes, what did you see?” “Brown eyes filled with happiness?” “Well maybe it’s a chance. Go ask him out!” “ARE YOU GOOD? He hasn’t seen me in 3 years I’m not even sure if he likes me.” “As they say, ‘take a chance, if you win you’ll be smart and happy. If you lose you’ll be wise.” “God, you and your stupid quotes.” *Briiingg* “Oh Anica, I gotta go! I’ll see you later.” “Oh okay bye love! And take a chance.” We hugged and I went off.

            I had an appointment at the spa. “You’re quite tense. Something you’re stressing about dear?” The lady questioned. “Yeah, just work haha, you know.” And him… After the spa I went out to go shopping. I hadn’t been to the mall in almost a month. When I finally reached home I was tired to the point where I fell asleep, when I first sat down. I dreamt about Tyler, and all of our memories. And I reminisced from earlier today, when Anica told me to take a chance. But then I woke up, around 6 in the morning. I wondered, should I ask him or… A thought popped into my head. Before I asked him I’d get into his mind first. So I dialled his number. *Ring ring* “Hello?” “Hey Tyler…aha I know it’s early but-“ “Oh no worries, I used to call you earlier than this haha, what’s up?” “Well I need advice…you see, um I have been practically in love with this man my entire life, and I don’t know how to approach him and tell him that.” “Oh…um.” Tyler sounded somewhat upset. “Tyler?” “Yeah, Anne, I’m here. I guess you should come out and say it. I’m sure he’ll love you too. I mean, who wouldn’t love someone like you.” “Aww Tyler. Thanks.” Soon the conversation died off and we said our goodnights.

            I woke up to the bright sun, shining through my windows. My mind was set. I was going to ask him on a date. When I checked my watch, it read 8:30. Crap. I woke up late! Ugh. I was practically running around my condo, getting ready. It was now 9 o’clock. Shit! My first day! This is terrible! How can I possibly get there in time. I was walking back and forth, in my room, while slipping my shoes on. I looked outside. Still rush hour. I left my apartment and was down the hall. Transit? Ehh, too much stops. Taxi? In this traffic…no way. Oh I’ll call Amanda! I dug through my purse to find my phone. *ring ring.* “Sorry this caller is unavailable at-“I hung up. I was going crazy, all until I heard a voice. “Leanne? Leanne!” he called. I turned around. It was Tyler. “Oh Tyler! I’d love to chat but I’m in a rush for my first day at work. And well I have no clue how I’m going to get there in time…” “Oh I could drop you off if you’d like.” “But there’s traffic….” “Don’t worry about that, I know shortcuts.” And with that we were off. I plopped onto the passenger seat and started eating. “Ahh, such a relief a have a friend like you, oh what were you doing in my building anyway?” “Oh you see, I was gonna drop some breakfast off.” He said. “Oh, well you’ll need to get up earlier than that haha. I didn’t even get to eat this morning. Thanks.” I said. “No problem. Well here you are. Bye Leanne.” I have to ask him now. “Oh and-“ I looked down at my watch. 9:26 it read. “Uh, never mind, thanks for the ride though!” I was so close. Although, I was right on time for my first day. Every time I’d see him I try to spit out the words “I’m in love with you.” I just couldn’t do it.

                                                            ~3 years later~

I had a girls night out, were at a restaurant chit chatting and having dinner. “Show us this hunk.” Bridgette demanded. I showed them a picture of us, when we hung out, that day in the park. “Damn, that boy is fine…” Sasha mentioned. “I know, man I love him.” “Wait, he doesn’t know that you like him?” Sasha questioned. “No clue.” “Get your ass up and call him, right now.” Sasha demanded. Everyone nodded, in agreement with her. I took out my phone, I was about to tap the screen when Bridgette interrupted me. “Leanne…is that him? Over there, near the window.” I squinted my eyes, shocked. I felt upset. “Eeep. This isn’t going well…” Sasha murmured. “Perhaps she’s just a friend.” Anica said. “I wouldn’t know about that…” I said. Then he kissed her on the cheek and hugged. “Yeah well now we know…” Bridgette said. “How could I be so stupid? Of course he wouldn’t like me. What was I thinking? After all these years.” “Aww don’t worry girl, there are more fish in the sea.” Anica said, trying to cheer me up. “None like him…” I said depressed. “Let me at this boy.” Sasha said defendingly. “SASHA. My God. You can make me laugh. I think I’ll just be happy for him?” I said. “Yeah. Just be happy for him.” They said. Soon enough dinner was over and I was back home. Thinking about how idiotic I was.

            *Ring ring* I picked up my phone. “Hello?” I said. “Oh crap are you asleep?” Tyler said. “Yeah, I was what’s up?” “I need some help. And like before, you’re the one I turned to for this stuff…” “Girl problems?” “Haha, yeah…so my girlfriend Brooke, is just so perfect and everything. I’ve been with her for 3 years…” “Whoa, why didn’t you tell me you had a girlfriend? What’s she like? What do you like about her?” “Everything. You know when you’re in love with someone, their flaws are nothing to you, they’re perfect in your eyes, and you love them for who they are. That’s what I love about her. Y’ know what I mean Anne?” “I know exactly what you mean…” More than you’ll ever know. “So this is it. I’m thinking about proposing.” I went silent for awhile. I couldn’t think straight, my heart hurt. I wanted to cry. But I couldn’t let him hear me. “Leanne? Anne? You there?” he asked. I stumbled to say, “Yeah, I’m here. Uhm. Well…” I want him to be happy. And if it means letting him go, then I’ll let him be. “If you truly dearly love this woman, with all your heart…I say. Uh. Go for it. If you think the time is right.” I said while holding back my tears. “God, just gotta love you Anne, thanks for everything. Really. Thank you.” He said, his voice sounding calm. “Yeah. Well you’re welcome Tyler. So I got work tomorrow, I’ll see you around. Goodnight.” “Night.” That night I went to sleep drowning in my tears. I was beyond late. I couldn’t believe this was happening. I was such an idiot.

            Two years passed by since that night. It was April. Spring weather. I went downstairs to check my mailbox. I got a letter from Tyler. I wondered what it was about. I was up in my living room sipping on a cup of Joe. I read the card. “Brooke Vanderson-Casama and Tyler Casama together with their families request the honour of your presence at the celebration of their marriage. Saturday the Twenty-Third of June Two Thousand Twelve at Four O’clock in the afternoon taking place-“ Two years of trying to forget, and the sudden reminder of him. This was overwhelming for me. I couldn’t. I got a text message from Tyler. “Got the invite?J” “Yeah, got it.” “You coming?” “Um. I’m not sure.” “C’mon Leanne, please! For me.” I took a deep breath. “I’ll see what I can do.” “Aha alright! Just tell me if you are, we need reservations you know.” “Yeah. Got ya J” I didn’t know what I would do. So I called Anica. “Anica. I don’t know what to do. He invited me to his wedding…And he really wants me to attend.” “I know it hurts you, but maybe you should try. You know what they say, you have to face your fears? Haha, but really, try. Tell be all about it afterwards.” “Guh. Okay, I’ll try.” I said goodbye, and texted Tyler the confirmation.

                                                            ~Wedding Day~

            I got dropped off at the church. I saw from friends from high school, seems like he was still close with them as well. “Erica?!” I practically yelled. We hugged. “Leanne! I haven’t seen you in forever! How’re you doing?” “I’m okay, what about you?” “Fine! Can you believe little Tyler is getting married?! We all grow up so much. And you look gorgeous.” “Yeah… oh thank you, let’s go take our seats inside.” Erica went off to talk with someone else, she said she’d be back. When I walked in I saw Tyler. I wanted to cry all over again. But I had to face him. “Anne!” He hugged me. “I haven’t seen you in awhile, you fine?” “Yeah. It’s all good.” I sniffled. I tried to fake smile, but my eyes wouldn’t lie. “You have a cold?” “Oh no, nothing. I’m fine.” “No you’re not. I know when you’re bound to cry. What’s wrong?” I couldn’t take it, a tear fell down my cheek. “I can’t tell you.” “You tell me everything. Tell me Leanne.” He said. “I can’t…” I said more sternly. “C’mon, you were there for me, now I’m there for you spill.” “I CAN’T TELL YOU.” Almost everyone looked at me like I was psycho. I ran to the ladies washroom. *Knock knock* “Leanne. What is wrong? Just tell me.” “If I tell you, you wouldn’t believe it, it’ll ruin everything.” I came out, with my tears gone, makeup re-applied and said “I’m sorry.” And walked off, leaving him alone.

            The wedding was starting, I was beside Erica. I was looking at Tyler and he was looking at me. I looked away immediately. Brooke walked in, her father in her arm, giving her away. She looked beautiful in that dress. She locked eyes with Tyler. Both smiling. I wanted to leave. But it was too late. By the time they said their “I do’s.” I was ready to get up and leave. The Priest said, “I now declare you as husband and wife, you may now kiss the bride.” Tyler looked at me, then back at Brooke and they kissed. That was it. That was done. They were now married. All I thought was that should be me locking eyes with him, that should be me that kissed him passionately. It all should have been me in that wedding dress. Right after their kiss, I looked at him one last time and got up and left.

            I left the church crying, tears streaming down my face. My make-up smeared across my face. I called for a cab. When the cab came, I looked back at the happy couple and locked eyes one last time with him, and stepped in the car. I didn’t go home. Instead I went to my parents’ home. Back where all the memories came from. It hurt so much, to look outside and see the two of us playing in the sandbox, or chasing each other down the street. I knocked on the door and my mother opened the door. “Leanne, you’re sobbing? Sweetie, come in.” She said. “Mom, I blew it. I blew my chance with him.” “Who?” “Tyler.” “My, you liked Tyler huh? Well he was quite the handsome fellow.” “You’re not helping…” “What happened then?” “He’s married. I just came from his wedding. I couldn’t take it. I hate myself. I can’t stop these tears. I didn’t tell him in time that I loved him.” “Aww baby come here.” My mother reassured me while we hugged. I couldn’t stop crying. I tried to stop. It’s hard knowing the man you love is gone forever.”

                                                            ~After the Wedding~

            I was cleaning my house, when my friend Erica knocked on the door. She dropped off a letter, from Tyler. “Memories rushed in when I read his name. It read, “Dear Leanne, I miss you. And I miss our talks. I miss you’re smile, you’re face, you’re eyes, I miss you. I’m in love with you Leanne. I wanted you to know that. After all these years, I’ve wanted you to know that. I’m sorry I never got the guts to tell you in person. So I wrote it down. I want to ask you out. Will you be my girlfriend? –Tyler J” It was dated long before his wedding, but the day after I met him in the park. I couldn’t believe what I read. ”Why are you giving me this now?” I asked. “He didn’t want to give it to you ever since you talked to him on the phone about another man.” “What? Another…ugh. Fuck I’m so stupid!” I was frustrated. I was hitting the wall and throwing things around the room.  “Leanne! Stop it!” she shouted. She came up to me and hugged me. “Leanne. You need to get a hold of yourself! Please calm down.” Erica said as she tried to reassure me. My breathing was heavy. I hated myself. “I ruined it.” I mumbled. “As they say, if you truly love someone, you’ll set them free.” I hugged her, while keeping the tears in. “Bye Anne, and if you ever need anything, just call.” Erica said, as she walked down the hall. I went back inside. And burst. I never cried so much in my life. More tears fell down, than the day I saw them wed. I never found another man like him. My last chance. And I blew it. I lost him forever. And still to this day I love him. Even though, he doesn’t love me.


Secrets. (by me)

            To whomever is reading this,

I may not have the nicest life, or the worst life, but my life isn’t worth it. If I counted how much times I wanted to run away, and escape I’d be a trillion-air. I have to say, I did enjoy my life, that was until I got them mad. My parents would love me and care for me. But I would easily make them disappointed and angered at me. He would use hurtful words towards me and I would cry. She would be disappointed at most, or annoy me about what I’ve done wrong. I’ve been told over and over again about my faults. I don’t want to be reminded anymore. And it’s not any better at school. Girls would cause drama with me, when I hadn’t done shit to them. The boys would irritate me, and mess with me. They would make fun of me, and laugh at the things I would do. I would cry when I got home, and my parents would make it worse. I know they want the best for me, but when they aggravate me on my flaws, and faults, it gets to me.

            My cousins, aunts, uncles, would hurt me as well. Emotional and mentally. They would brag about their sons/daughters being so good, and having great grades, being beautiful, popular, helpful. All that, I am not. And my parents would side with them. They would always compare me to other children. I would understand and try my best, yet my best is never pleasing. My cousins would tease me, and I would be okay with that. But overtime things that seem harmless can hurt you the most. I cried in bed one night because of them, making fun of me, being myself. Not being up to standards with them. I don’t want to go through that again. At times I would be left out of conversations, and games. They wouldn’t even bare to look at me, and invite me over. I’m forgotten.

            They all want me to become a better person, but even with me trying, I can’t be perfect. No one is perfect. I’m sorry if I can’t be the child you want me to be. I’m sorry I can’t obey your rules. I’m sorry for being me. I hope they know I love them dearly.

            Sometimes my parents would scream, and yes that’s usual. But time passes and it would happen again and again, I would start to wonder if my parents ever regret bringing me into this world. I would face them, without tears, and tell them all they ask for. I wouldn’t show my weakness to no one, but myself. And afterwards, I would run up to my room, sit in a corner and cry. I wouldn’t let anyone see me cry. I promised myself, no one else shall see tears stream down this face. Not again, not ever. Sometimes he would verbally abuse me and scare me. He wouldn’t want to see my face, at times he would threaten to hit me. I would feel tears forming, I would back away, and mumble “I’m sorry.” But one time. He had enough. I was little at this time, 8-10 years old, if I’m not mistaken. I was whining. Which I knew he didn’t like. I was on the floor screaming, because I was angered. He was fixing something and heard my shrieks and screamed “SHUT THE FUCK UP!” I did as he told, but I heard his footsteps. I looked at his face, a face I’ve never seen before. That look in his eyes. The rage filling his body. Daddy? I thought. I started crying again. A silent cry for God, to help him come to his senses. He kicked me. He hurt me mentally, emotionally and physically. He stopped and went back to work. I ran upstairs, scared to face him again. I never cried so much in my life. I was scared. I never thought he’d come down to this. I never thought I’d be a victim of abuse. No one but him and I know about that day.

            My past struck me with scare and hurt. I was afraid. No one knows. But now you do. I thought I would write this letter to say goodbye. I’m sorry for not being good enough, my parents, I’m sorry for my faults, I’m sorry for my flaws. I don’t deserve anyone. I would regret being alive. I’m just a waste of a body. I’m sorry for everything. Goodbye.

-Anonymous.

Serendipity. (by me)

            We were sitting on the beach watching the sunset. In the dust we were holding hands. He had a bottle in his hand, filled up with the golden sand, on the beach. He gave it to me. He told me this is a memory for today. He said he’ll never forget me. I surely won’t ever forget him. We held hands, and stared at the sunset. It was vivid and serene. The peace overcame everything.  I forgot about all my worries with him beside me, holding me, reassuring me that there’s nothing to worry about. Serendipity. I looked into his eyes and remembered the first time we met.

~~~~~

Walking along the beach, right in this very spot, I was alone. I was forgotten, hurt, angered. I lost someone that day. My father. My father passed away due to cancer. He said he was fine, but he wasn’t. I got the news that he died, just a few hours ago. I drove over to see him as fast as possible, I saw him in bed, dead and gone. “Daddy, daddy please wake up. Please let this be a dream. Please!” I pleaded. I looked at his pale face, and looked back at my mother, behind me crying. I was always so strong. All until now. A tear started streaming down my face. And I couldn’t stop. “Daddy, please open your eyes. It’s your little girl. Your princess. Dad…” As I came to the obvious realization that he was gone forever, I cried so hard, I couldn’t breathe properly. “DADDY PLEASE WAKE UP. PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME. Daddy please. I love you dad.” The tears wouldn’t stop, no matter how much I tried. My mother pulled me away, “Sweetie, sweetie, please, get a hold of yourself. I know you loved dad very much. But you’ll have to let go sometime.” I looked at her shocked in what she had to say, and left. Wiping the tears from my eyes, I drove away. To a place where I could think, and be in peace.

I went to the beach. It was a beautiful sunny day, for a loss. I got out of my car, and walked along the beach. I looked down at my feet and remembered what my daddy once told me when I was a kid. “Look daddy! It’s my footprint!” “Yes a footprint of a beautiful little girl.” He said smiling. “Remember, I’ll always be there for you. No matter what. And one day when I may not be there physically, I will be there spiritually. In your footsteps, there will be mine beside you.” In my flashback, I forgot about my surroundings. Before I knew it I got hit by a volleyball. Like my life wasn’t already in the dumps. “OUCH.” I yelled, making sure the person that hit me heard me loud and clear. A guy running up to me, “Aww crap, I’m so sorry.” I took my hand off my arm and saw a bruise. “Great. Just great. Now I’m hurt emotionally and physically.” “Damn, that looks bad, here come with me.” I followed, “This is just the worst day ever. First I had to drive my ass all the way to the hospital, just to see my father dead, and then I come here and get hurt. What else do I have to go through today.” We sat down on the bench and he got me a pack of ice to put on my bruise. “Wait, your dad’s dead? Man I feel even worse. Look I’m really sorry, it was accidental.” He pleaded. “Aha aww it’s fine, I guess I’m just over reacting to everything.” “Well I can’t blame you, I’d be freaked if my dad passed on.” “Yeah…Oh I never got your name.” “It’s Jayden. Nice to meet you…” “Chyselle.” I smiled. “Chryselle. I better get back to the guys aha, game going on, catch you around I guess?” “Yeah, same with you.” For that moment, I forgot about my father passing on, and my arm in pain when I was with Jayden. I liked it for once.

            The sun was setting, so I decided to get in my car and drive back home, my mom would’ve been worried. When I got home, it was nightfall. I said night to my mom and cried myself to sleep.

I woke up and lay in bed thinking. It’s already been a week since I last saw my father, and since I last saw that guy. I don’t want to let go. I got up and got ready for the funeral. I but on a black lace dress, and black strapped heels. I got my necklace that my father gave me on my 18th birthday. I didn’t even get to say goodbye. And I started crying. *knock knock* “Sweetie? It’s time we get on our way.” We got into the car and drove to the church. After the funeral we left for home. I wanted to escape. Get away from humanity and all these problems. I decided to take a walk, just to get some fresh air. While I was walking I accidentally bumped into someone. “Oh I’m sorry.” “Nah, it’s fine” We looked up and recognized each others’ faces. “Jayden?” “Chryselle! Haha, funny seeing you here.” “Well this is my neighbourhood, you live around here too?” “Yea I do actually. It’s weird we’re always bumping into each other.” “Yup…” “So how are you? Still erked about your dad?” “Yes, we just had his funeral, this morning.” I felt tears coming across. “Here, I’ll treat you to something nice, get your mind off of this. Froyo at the pier?” “Yes! That’ll be nice.”

Jayden and I would always go out on Friday nights and just forget about all our worries. He would always help me when I got worried. He was my best friend, and my lover. We were technically an item after all that. I was always so happy around him. He was my “wind beneath my wing” aha, I loved everything about him. Even his flaws, they were perfect in my eyes. I never thought I’d meet someone like him for a long while.

~~~~~

Serendipity I always think, when I’m with him. Bringing me to the beginning when we first met. So here I am sitting beside the man I love. He told me to open the bottle and spill out the sand, it had a note and a ring inside. My eyes enlightened with joy. “When people don’t need oxygen to live, that’s when I’ll stop loving you. Marry me?” I hugged him, he put the ring on my finger and we kissed. Around two years later, I was walking down the aisle. Even though my father wasn’t there physically to give me away, he was in my heart and was right beside me at all times. 

Painful Love (by me)

Hi, my name’s Micayla. I’m a 19 year old with a scarring past. I didn’t know it would come to this. But it had. This is my story.

~~~

            I was such a good girl. I loved my mom, and dad, I cared for them so much. I was always so happy until that day. I was 10 when my mother died. I couldn’t take it. I cried every night. My mother and I had a strong relationship. I grieved for years. I would have dreams about her death. Her face when she held my hand and said “I love you Micayla, don’t you forget that…Goodbye.” And she was gone. I hated her being gone. It hurt me so much to see my own blood, die right in front of me. I hugged her close, I never wanted to let go. I loved my mother. That night my father took me home, and acted as if nothing happened. He loved my mother dearly, and it was as if he didn’t care. When we reached home, I bawled my eyes out. I was crying in the corner. “SHUT UP.” He yelled. I looked at him, tears streaming down my eyes. It just aggravated me at the fact that he told me to shut up, when I was crying over the loss of his wife. “No. I won’t shut up. I will cry for mommy since you won’t cry!” “Micayla, don’t argue with me now! You want me to get pissed off huh?!” “How can you not even tear up at the sight of the one woman you truely loved GONE. GONE FOREVER. WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU. MOMMY WOULD CRY FOR YOU.” I suppose that ticked him off. He came over to me and hit me. Multiple times. Now I was crying even more. “Go to your room.” I stayed silently, in the corner weeping. “Micayla, I said GO TO YOUR GODDAMN ROOM. NOW.” I didn’t want to look at him. I ran up as fast as I could. I was scared. I was a victim of child abuse.

            The daylight set, and the moon came up. I was lying in bed, afraid, and alone. Then I heard a noise. I went out of my room and found the noise was coming from my parents’ room. I creaked the door open, to see what was happening. It was my dad. He was holding a picture frame of my mom. “Anne, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when I could have been, I apologize for all the stress I put you through. I love you, forever and always. And I’m sorry for hurting our child. I should’ve never hurt her like that. I was stressed. Forgive me Anne.” While he said this, I heard him whimpering. I never saw him cry, I suppose he never wanted anyone to see him cry. I ran back to my room. Now knowing he was sorry, for what he did, I felt better. It was just his temper acting up. I didn’t think of it again. So I closed my eyes, and went to sleep.

            I hoped everything would get better, but it didn’t. I was now 14, and it was my first day of high school. I was afraid, and scared of change. It all went downhill from the first day. I met a new guy, from another school. His name’s Tristan McLanly. He was everything I hoped for in a guy. He asked me out one time and I said yes. Soon enough it was official. I was with one hot badass. Tristan would invite me to parties and I’d meet some of his crew. They were so chill and relax. I loved that about them. But partying with them also dropped my grades…by a lot. I was at 40s and lower in my courses. When I got my report card one day, I left it on the table, and went out to hang with Tristan and my new friends. I got home around 10 at night, with an extremely pissed off dad waiting for me. “Where in the world have you been? Huh?! I called your cell phone 5 times! I’m worried about you! What did you do? Who were you with?! And why is your grades so low! Huh?!” my dad yelled. “Just relax bro, it’s all good, I was just chilling with my friends, that’s all. No big deal yo.” “No big deal. Explain these poor grades! Why were you out so late! You should’ve called! And don’t talk to me like that! I’m not one of your friends. Better not use that ‘slang’ around me, you hear!” “Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.” “Okay, if you don’t care so much, I’ll just ground you. No friends, no phone, no television, no internet. GO TO YOUR ROOM.” “No, I’m not going to my room, you can’t treat me like a stupid baby anymore.” And I walked away. “Micayla DelCaso. I raised you better than this. You’re mother would have been disappointed. Have respect!” “HAHA. What the fuck bro, calm your balls dad…I just didn’t go to my room. You’re such a buzzkill.” “DON’T USE THAT TONE OR WORDS WITH ME. GO TO YOUR ROOM MICAYLA. DON’T PISS ME OFF AGAIN.” After realizing the last time I truly pissed him off, I didn’t want to get hurt again, so I just made up a sloppy excuse to get to my room. “God you’re so freakin annoying. Ugh.” And I locked myself inside.

            I was still awake at 1 in the morning, waiting for Tristan. Earlier that night, we planned on meeting up and sleeping at his place. I never slept over at anyone’s house before, only for family. I heard a knock on my window, it was him. “Hey babe, care to come down, or I’m coming up!” He said. “All right, I’m coming!” I dropped my bag to him and climbed down the tree next to my window. I saw him and we made out. Soon enough we were there, his buddies were sleeping over as well. “Hey Trisha! Hey Kammie!” As I hugged them, I walked further in the living room and saw Blake and Chris. “Blake, Chris!!” I yelled hugging them. I noticed some pot and a bong. “Yo, Micky, you should take a hit!” said Blake. “Haha ayt! Pass it!” As I inhaled the pot, my senses were tingled. I felt light as air, I loved it. Soon enough I passed out. I awoke to Tristan lying down beside me. “What time is it?” “2” he said. “Oh, haha all right, where’d everyone go?” “They left.” “Ohh haha, so it’s just us?” “Yup, some alone time.” He stared right into my eyes, and held my face, we kissed. Then he was on top of me. Still kissing, I was trying to push him away. “Tristan, don’t play around now, you know I’m not ready for that.” But he kept going. He undid my jeans, and tried taking off my top. “Tristan ok, you can stop now…” I thought he was joking. I was wrong, he was forcing himself on me. “TRISTAN, GET OFF OF ME.” But he kept at it. I was kicking and yelling, but no one was around to hear me. He was hitting me, as a sign of saying ‘Shut up’ I couldn’t do anything about it. I was weak.

            I woke up to find myself naked on the floor. I moved an inch. But it stung with agonizing pain. I saw scars and bruises all over my body. I wanted to escape. Then I heard footsteps. I tried to get myself to the corner, and hide. “Afternoon Micayla.” He said. “Please don’t hurt me anymore! PLEASE TRISTAN I BEG OF YOU.” “Naw I won’t just don’t ever tell anyone. Or I’ll have to come back. Just act like nothing happened, all right babe?” He winked at me, with that half smile. “I swear. Please let me go, my dad’s probably worrying where I am.” He threw my clothes at me. “Get dressed. I’m gonna drop you off.” I nodded and did as I was told.

            *Ding dong* My father opened the door. “Hello Mr. DelCaso, I just saw Micayla wandering the streets, I guess she got lost, haha, well here she is.” He said. “Micayla! Where the hell have you been!? I was about to have a search party go find you! Don’t EVER wander off like that again!” my father said. I did as I was told. “Ahh, don’t mind that, uh thank you for taking care of my daughter.” They shook hands, and as my dad closed the door, I could see Tristan’s eyes staring at me. “Micayla, where did you go? Just tell me now what you’ve been up to. I’m tired of yelling.” “I went out for a walk and got lost. I blanked out. I’m sorry dad…I won’t do it again.” He hugged me and said, “That’s what I want to hear from you Micayla. I love you.” “I love you too dad.” I felt tears rushing in. I made an excuse to go to my room. I went in to the bathroom, took off my clothes and looked at myself. I grazed my hand over my arm, filled with purple marks, and red scratches. Everything hurt. I was covered in this. I couldn’t believe it. But it was true. I was raped. I took a shower slowly, and carefully. I dressed myself and sat down on my bed. Looking out my window.

            That night, I couldn’t sleep. I was lying in bed, thinking. And when I did sleep, I dreamt. I dreamt about Tristan thrusting me again the wall. I found myself awoken by my father, who heard cries and screaming coming from my room. “Dad. Daddy! I’m so happy to see you.” “Are you all right?” “Yup..just a bad dream, haha.” “All right, get some sleep you have school tomorrow.” “Okay night dad.”

            Every single day I would pass the hallways, seeing him. I tried not to make eye contact but he would approach me any day. I was his slave. I acted as if nothing happened that day. But I was still afraid. Afraid of the outcome to be, afraid of what he had in mind if I did tell, afraid of everything. I was trapped in my own mind, I couldn’t tell anyone. I was scarred. I was traumatized. I never want to encounter something like this ever again. Now I’m more secure around guys. Every time one would grab my by the arm, while I was leaving, I’d shake him off immediately, and run.

            I never told anyone my story. Until I finally had a dream. A dream of my mother telling me that I had to speak for myself, or this would never get resolved. I questioned her being, telling her I was afraid of the consequences. She convinced me that there was nothing to worry about, I’d be all right. I would be at peace. So I got the guts to speak. I told my father, what happened, and he called the police. I never saw him again. So here I am 5 years after the incident. Who knows where Tristan McLanly is now. All I know is to never be scared to speak up. This is my story.

(written in CHARACTERS view k ok.)^

His First and Her Last (by me)

He knew from that moment on that she was gone. Love was lost in this story and nearing the end, ‘twas found once again. It started as simple strangers and ended unfortunately.

~~~~~

It was a sunny day. The sky was clear, with a rare sight of clouds. There was a small breeze. A perfect summer afternoon. He was waiting at the airport. While waiting for his dad to arrive, he walked around. It was the usual boring day, until he came across a woman. Her rosy cheeks shown with a perfect structure. Her auburn hair was shimmering in the sunlight, as the sun beamed through the skylight. He felt something, he never felt before. What’s this feeling… it’s like my heart has been enlightened, this feeling in the pit of my stomach…Damn, am I in love? He thought to himself. So there he stood, thinking and wondering, could this really be happening. She was sitting upon a bench, reading. She looked up from her book, and their eyes met.

            She’s looking at me! What do I do…He gave her a warming smile, and so did she. Her eyes were a glimmering hazel. She then continued reading. That was the most beautiful face I have ever laid eyes on. Just when he was about to walk over, and introduce himself, she checked the time, and got up, running towards another man. They hugged, and kissed. He was hurt. He had never been in love, before. Saddened, he simply walked away, knowing he’d never see her perfect face ever again.

            Small story don’t you think? Aha, not quite. From then on, he never loved another woman since then. He was introduced to many girls, throughout his years, but none had ever compared to her. There was a click, when their eyes met, it was destiny to have them be. But how can such a thing happen if he’ll never see her again.

            ~Three years later~. It was a warm afternoon. He was walking around the park. He decided to sit on the green grass, and just…think. He lay down, closed his eyes, and thought back to that moment. The first glimpse of her. And her first glimpse of him. Images of her flawless beauty, her perfect smile, her shimmering hair, her. He opened his eyes, sighed and got up and started walked again. Not aware of his surroundings he bumped into a woman. Her tote had fallen, the least he could do was pick it up and give it to her, with an apology. Standing up, and handing the woman her tote, their eyes had then met. Hazel eyes. It was her. “Um, do I know you? You seem kinda familiar.” questioned the girl. “Not sure, but I should get-“ he was cut off. “The name’s Liezel.” “Daren.” He said, holding his hand out. They shook hands. “Well, sorry for cutting you off…Daren.” “Oh no worries.” “So what are you up to on this fine day?” she asked. “Oh nothing, just thinking about things.” He responded. There was a moment of silence. “So, what are you doing here.” He questioned. “Thinking about things too.” “Oh I see. This is quite random and awkward, but do you have a boyfriend?” “I had a great boyfriend. But then I saw him cheating on me, with my best friend, plus we’d been together for three years.” She responded, quietly with anger raging. “Oh. Wow, that jerk. Well you don’t need him.” “Right, I just have to move on.” She said, while holding back her tears.  

            Since that day, the two had always made plans to meet up at the park. My final opportunity. It’s been a year. When will I make my move? We’ve been friends for awhile…Okay tonight is the night. I’ll bring her to the boardwalk and ask her to be mine.

*****

            Dawn was approaching. And so he set afoot, and came across her perfection, once again. A smile so cheery, though he was so frightened. His hands were on the verge of sweating. She was most magnificent in the sunset. “Hey Daren.” She said with a bright smile. “Uh, hey Liezel.” He stumbled to say. “Shall we walk, and enjoy what’s left of this gorgeous day?” she wondered. “Y-yes we should.” He said. I gotta hurry.

“Mind if we take a break? I’m getting tired.” She asked. “Sure, just sit here, would you like anything?” he asked. “Um, nah I’m good.” She responded, and smiled. “I’ll just be a moment.” He said smiling. And off he went to find, roses. All white except for one red rose. A note attached, saying “If there was a million roses, I’d pick yours.” And upon the red rose, he wrapped a necklace, passed down from his mother when his father asked her to be his. He came back, and she was checking her phone. “Liezel!” he called. She looked up, with that pretty smile, always across her face. He held out his hand, full of roses. Her face was full of joy and happiness. She read the note, “If I had a million roses I’d pick yours.” Her smile was brighter than ever. “Roses…the flower of love. And my favourite flower.” She smelt the roses, as if this was a movie, and she came across the red rose. She picked it out and found the necklace wrapped around it. “Oh my gosh…Is this meant for me?” she asked in a questioning voice. “Mhmm. My dad gave it to my mom, when he asked for her hand in marriage, but marriage right now, is quite hasty…don’t you think?” he said, jokingly. She laughed, “Yes of course. So instead of my hand in marriage, this you’re way of asking me out?” He nodded, while smiling. “Well you certainly won my heart.” The sun was setting. He got the necklace and placed it around her neck. They hugged, and lifted her off her feet. He let her down and then it got quiet. They had a moment in time. They stared into each others eyes, her hazel eyes, and his dark brown eyes. She smiled and then he smiled. And from that moment, he knew she was the one. And then they leaned in and had their first kiss.

            It was nightfall. “It’s getting kinda late, can you walk me home?” she asked, with her cute voice. “Sure…cutie.” he said, with a wink. “You flirt.” She said rolling her eyes, sarcastically. He wrapped his arm around her, and her arm around him. They were perfect. Something with them just clicked. They reached her doorstep. They held hands. “Night Daren, thanks for everything.” She smiled and kissed him on the cheek. “You’re welcome, call me if you ever needa talk. I’ll be there for you.” He said. “Sure, night.” And she closed the door. On his way home he heard his phone ring. “Hello?” “Hey.” “Sup Liezel, you miss me?” he asked flirty. “My ceiling and yes as a matter of fact I do.” “Heheh. Oh, you busy tomorrow?” “Nope, why, wanna chill?” “Yea, wanna go skating, with me?” “Sure, that’d be fun.” “Ight well I’m home and tired, I’ll text you about the deets, tomorrow, night.” “Kay night.” And she hung up.

            Ever since that day they had the time of their lives. They would always text a good morning message and text a good night message. Daren and Liezel had been together for years, their relationship stayed strong. Of course they had their ups and downs, but it never disbanded their love. Both loved each other but never told each other they did. Not until one day…

            She woke up and saw lights. All she heard was “Quick get her to the emergency room, stat!” “There’s not much time!” She couldn’t move. What’s happening? Where am I? Everything hurts. She thought. She heard cries. “That’s my daughter! Move!” Then closed her eyes once again. ~Hours later~ *Beep* *Beep* *Beep* She awoke to see her boyfriend lying on her lap, asleep. “Daren? Wake up.” She whispered. He awakened. “Oh God, I am so happy to see you’re awake!” “What happened to me? Why am I here? What’s going on?!” “You got in a car accident. Last night you were coming home from a night out with your girls, and got hit.” “Really? I don’t remember that, all I remember was getting in a car, and waking up to me being in a hospital.” “Yeah, you got knocked out.” She reached out to hug him. But couldn’t. “Ouch! Crap, my body’s still in pain.” “No Liezel, don’t get up, you’re gonna get worse.” “All right, just please tell me Micayla’s okay.” “Yeah she’s fine, just in a lot of pain.” “Well, how long do I have to stay in here?” He faced her, and when he looked into her eyes he started to cry. “I’ve never seen you cry before. Daren what’s the matter?” she asked. “You don’t have too long. You were in critical condition. I don’t think you’ll make it…” “Daren, I’m scared. I didn’t think I’d lose my life at this age..” “I’m sorry Liezel. I said I’d be there for you. And I wasn’t.” “It’s not your fault. You couldn’t do-“ She was cut off. “Excuse me sir, visiting hours are over, please leave, the patient needs some rest.” Said the nurse. “Oh all right, I’ll be on my way out then.” They looked at each other. “I’ll come visit you every day, okay? I’ll be here for you until the very end. Goodbye Liezel.” And with that he kissed her forehead. She smiled.

            He did as he promised. He visited her, held her hand, gave her a rose to count the days every day. And on the 12th day she was gone. “Daren, I don’t feel too good. I’m scared. I feel worse than before.” “Don’t worry, I’ll always be here from now on, I’ll be there even when you have to go… I won’t ever fall for another girl as much as I fell for you.” She smiled. That smile as radiant as the time he asked her out. The memories came rushing in. He started to tear up again. “You’re such a baby.” She said jokingly. “Well how the hell are you not crying?! You’re the one that’s gonna leave forever.” She just chuckled. “Over time I realized if this is what supposed to happen and I can’t do anything about it.” “You’re a strong person. I love that about you. I feel like such a whimp.” “Don’t feel like that, you just can’t get over the fact that my end is near. It’ll take time.” “I know it will.” A moment of silence. She started to close her eyes. Then her heart beat decreased slowly. “No! Don’t die on my now! Please God please! LIEZEL! Please don’t leave me! I love you!” “Daren, I’m sorry..Promise me you’ll move on, and find someone else. Don’t be lonely because of me, please, that’s all I beg of you…Dar..en.” she whispered. The doctor and nurses came rushing in. “Clear!” “Sir, you have to go, I’m sorry.” As he was leaving he looked at her, realizing his one true love was dead. Gone forever.

            He grieved for years. She was never off his mind. Every Sunday he would visit her at the cemetery and bring her roses, all white except red, on the 12th day he would visit her. Eventually he found another girl that loved him. She was everything, but could never compare to her. And one night he had a dream. Or at least he thought it was a dream…He pictured Liezel.

            She kissed him on the forehead. He woke up to see her lovely face. “Daren, I missed you. I can see you moved on, just like what I asked, thank you.” And she smiled, the same smile he saw the day they met. “Liezel! I can’t believe you’re here. Am I dreaming?” “No you aren’t I just wanted to say goodbye, I love you. I will always love you. Thank you for everything, thanks for making my short life, memorable.” “I love you too Liezel.” “Oh, you’ll need this.” She handed him the necklace. “Give it to another woman when you propose to her. I better get going now, bye Daren.” She said, as she held his hand. “Goodbye Liezel…” She kissed him one last time and she disappeared.

            That was the last he ever saw of her. But she was on his mind, from time to time. No one ever compared to her. That was their last goodbye.